Accent

I expected more noise
From the stark, white walls of the new apartment
Perhaps a muffled clink of Chardonnay glass
Or a rattle from the pictures of us on holiday
That one time we took the time
(Before you engaged yourself to video games)

Now labeled and packed away.
I had hoped the silence wouldn’t follow me
Into this new place without you
Where even the conversations in my head are exhausted,
Throbbing with the hum of your guitar strings
Recently cleaned after years of disuse.

The movers are gone now, and I stand here
A blank slate soaking in the faint sounds
Of life outside my door
And for a moment, the woods can wait
While my white walls demand a paint brush
And a bucket of black tulips

Expressed Complexities

What if you could see the truth of my heart?
What if it showed you unwavering love but fragile trust?
And doubt from past hurt?
What if it stretched toward you, an indomitable dusty miller
Because it felt no other choice, illuminated by your warmth?
What if its roots were anchored to keep it from falling?
What if knowing you kept it growing, hopeful, in a feckless world?

And what if love or circumstance changed?  Or she returned?
Or I did?  What if the cosmos is wrong?
But what if it isn’t?
What if there are other joys – people, cats, and rain?  What if they couldn’t fill the emptiness?
What if we are trapped by choice and fear?
What would happen if we weren’t?
What if I could support us? Over there, over here?
But what if I couldn’t?   What if you couldn’t either?
What if I came to you?  What if we both knew it was better if I didn’t?
What if we didn’t know that?

What if we touched?  Kissed?
What if I extinguish your fire?  What if we found a place for our steam?
What if holding you as a friend is more important than as a lover?
What if I over-think everything?  And what if you are secretly laughing
Because I don’t know the truth after all?
What if I wanted to tell you in person, to feel you respond?
What if you could see the truth of my heart?