last night's dream

It started out as my normal reoccurring dream of walking in a modern village with medieval architecture. I’m enjoying the sights but looking for someone. I go to the pub, take pictures, etc. There are cars, but overall the place is one where people prefer walking. The overall feeling of the dream is pleasure, but in a general way. I enjoy being here. I can feel the notches in the stone walls, hear the leaves crackle as I walk near the cemetery, and I can breathe in the cool, damp air. It’s always early evening when I’m here. The lights are filling the side streets with warmth. I am both visitor and local. I meet the person I am supposed to meet, and we enjoy the rest of the day taking in the sights and laughing, getting high off of each other’s company.

This is where it changes.

I go into a shower room covered with sienna colored ceramic tile feeling the nervous excitement pimple my skin. I feel like shouting to relieve some pressure, but I giggle instead, my muscles clenching in response to my forced control. The room is small and warm, almost like a sauna.

There is a half length mirror to my dexter that I only notice once I start to undress. The mirror is framed by a gold braided floral wreath. I look up and see my reflection. She has darker hair and eyes and smaller breasts, but even with the changes, she is me – an alternate me. The look in her eyes makes me uncomfortable. I can’t think of the right words to describe it. There was need, control, pride, a harshness wrapped in sharp sexuality. There was nothing soft or sweet or playful looking back at me. She wasn’t a reflection of the person who entered the shower room, and she wasn’t in there waiting for me either. She appeared exactly when I looked at her. She wanted something. She didn’t scare me as much as worry me because her stare told me she could not be reasoned with or swayed. Then I woke up.